Relationships: The Three-legged Stool, Part 5
Imagine the best relationship that you have ever had; or imagine the most ideal relationship that you would like to have!
How do you feel about yourself in that perfect relationship? How do you feel about the other person? Perfect.
Now, what are you doing in that relationship? What would you like to be doing? Having fun together? Learning together? Accomplishing something together? Doing something for others?
If you have paused for long enough to imagine one of your perfect relationships, then you have a picture in your mind of something that is of value to you.
Your ideal relationship might be centered around how you feel. Your ideal relationship mind involve something that challenges you mentally. You may wish for a deeply spiritual relationship. Or you may just have activities that you really enjoy. The focus you chose is a central part of you.
And you can have that relationship. You can have a high energy, positive relationship. You can have a relationship with someone you care about and respect. You can be happy. And you can be doing something that you love in that relationship.
Oops! Did I say something? Because I thought I just heard you make an excuse.
I understand that. Making excuses or starting a thought with something like, "yeah, but ..." is a very natural reaction. You have been disappointed with a relationship in the past. In fact, there is a pattern of disappointment, isn't there?
It isn't that you can't have the relationships that you want. It's just that you are right about one thing: you are probably going to repeat the same pattern again. That is human nature.
You need a solution.
That is why I began by giving you the structure of a relationship to think about. There are three legs: you, the other person, and your interaction.
I want to take the focus off you. I know that you want to feel better, but let's leave that to deal with in another post about emotion.
I know you want to fix the other person. But face it, they don't get it. You have tried to help them, and it hasn't worked. I can tell you how to fix them in a post about personalities. But let's leave that for later.
I want to fix your relationship, the third leg. It's funny, because in your worst relationships, this is the leg that you never pay any attention to. Your issues or the other person's attitude or behavior always seem more important. So instead of doing the things that you want, you just keep exchanging all the things that you don't want.
Can we change the exchange? Why are you in the relationship? Are you helping each other in some way? Are you in the relationship to exchange love? Build a family? Have fun? Make money? First, find the purpose.
Second, someone has to lead. Someone has to step forward and say, "Let's do this thing that was important to us when we started our relationship!" And the person who is going to be the leader has to be strong enough to lead. The leader has to know what they are doing. They have to know how to do the thing that was (or now is) the reason for the relationship.
Third, someone has to follow. You can both follow if you can share the leadership. But when someone leads out by saying, "Let's do this thing that is important to us ...", then Damn It! focus on the third leg and Do It! Get your mind off your problems for a minute and have a relationship!
Now, I said that in this Part 5, I would make an invitation. And here it is:
I am going to provide some leadership, and I want you to follow. If you are okay with that, then this is what you do:
Find my website, IKnowNetwork.info. Send me your email address, so that I know that you are interested. That is all you have to do.
Now, if you have something that interests you. If you want to solve a problem, make more money, or build your network, then you can let me know that, too! Because the things that interest you are going to become the third leg of our relationship.
But at first, the only thing that I really need to know is that you are interested.
And then, you can sit back, and I will develop some more material and tools to help us build our relationship.
We are going to make some exchanges. In exchange for your attention, I am going to give you a lot of useful information. (I can write it once and deliver it at no extra cost to me, so free information is a great place for us to start an exchange.) And if what I provide helps you make money or live more happily-ever-after, then we have a win-win relationship, and our relationship can progress.
I have a lot on my mind. So I am going to stop right there. The next step to better relationships is yours.